Hey, notice anything different? No, not the smell, sorry, Rob got us doing a backwards leopard crawling race which is apparently what they do in the SAS to get them battle ready, brilliant, literally my entire body was screaming in pain, it was through this freezing mud and 6am, so it’s still dark, so actually it turns out I’m the fastest leopard crawler in the group, but when I stand up I look down, dog mess everywhere, then I look round and everyone is covered, I mean completely covered, in stinking mud and dog mess, we were all like Oh. My. God.

Rob was shouting, guys, you think that’s bad, you want to try liberating hostages under enemy fire in a desert under the relentless sun, quit whining and move it, typical Rob, then we had to sprint round the lake and hold each other’s heads under water, then we played blindfold British bulldog until someone’s nose hit a branch, hilarious, blood everywhere, then we had to do squat jumps until the ambulance came, then Rob got us into pairs for 100 burpees, I was like, Rob, I’m really hurting, he was like, shut it, anyway, notice anything different?

Modern tribes: the disappointed celebrity

No, not the limp, that’s the old back injury, it started playing up when we formed a human pyramid, hilarious but we only stayed up four seconds so Rob gave us 20 more press-ups as a punishment, then we raced up the hill carrying our partners, well I really, really pushed myself, got there first, literally pouring with sweat then just threw up everywhere from exhaustion, absolutely brilliant, I was so proud.

So did you spot what’s different about me? OK I’ll tell you, Rob put me up to the silver bibs! He was like, if he could pick anyone from our group to share a tank with under enemy fire, it’d be me. That new woman, Jane, said he told her that last week, I was like, that was just to encourage you, dear, she can’t even do proper burpees yet plus I happen to know she’s never been injured, pathetic, actually I think I’ll just lie down I feel terrible, that’s what’s so brilliant, hey, want to guess my resting heart rate?

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This article was sourced from http://bloodynews.com